Gardyloo #83

Some updates:

We have just under one month left in Season 3 of the Jerx. As initially stated, this season will end around Christmas. After that my focus will be on sending out the Season 3 rewards packages and completing the final X-Communication newsletter for this season. And then I’ll be figuring out how Season 4 is going to work. As I mentioned in this post, the site will be changing somewhat as we go into the next season. You can read the details about it there, and I’ll be sharing more info about the changes to come soon.

I was in NYC this past week. Part of that was for the testing on card controls which I’ve mentioned in the past. It will take some time to go through the results. My hope is to have a post written up on the results before Christmas.

I just received word yesterday that Book #2 is scheduled to be delivered to my distribution center (i.e., my friend’s garage) on New Year’s Eve. Deck #2 should be here in a couple weeks. And some of the props that go along with the book are rolling in as well. Unfortunately, one of the boxes which contains specially printed cards for one of the effects in the book is seemingly lost in the mail. It was supposed to be delivered a couple days ago. Now the USPS tracking info just shows “On route to its next destination,” but it hasn’t been scanned anywhere in days. Oh well. I’ll figure it out.

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In last Friday’s post on the least essential magic products, I forgot to include the product that gave me the idea for such a list in the first place.

Friend of the site, Sean Maciel, wrote in to draw my attention to this indispensable product for the modern magician. The Playing Card Jean Bag.

The name doesn’t begin to describe how incredible this is. It’s a little bag for your playing cards that’s made out of jean material. Actually….no… I guess the name does kind of capture what you’re getting here.

I find the ad copy confusing…

Here's a way to "WOW" your audience even before they see your cards! Remove them from a cloth denim bag!

Why would this “wow” my audience?

Did they mean, “Here’s a way to ‘HUH’ your audience.” Because, “Huh, I guess that’s a thing,” seems to be a more likely response. Or maybe, “Wow… that’s stupid,” is what they were suggesting.

The sentence, “Remove them from a cloth denim bag,” should never end with an exclamation point. Even if you were like, “The guy showed me JFK’s missing brain and seven of the lost Imperial Faberge Eggs! And he removed them from a cloth denim bag!” The first thing someone would say would be, “Well, that second sentence shouldn’t have an exclamation point.”

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Reader, KM, wrote in to ask how long Josh and Andi have been signing off their emails in this manner.

“With”? I have to admit I’m not familiar with this construction. What happened to “Andi Gladwin and Joshua Jay”? I’ve gotten the “with” credit on things I’ve worked on when I haven’t been in the same room as the main writers. So it will be something like, “Written by X and Y with Andy.” But that’s for like real stuff, not an email marketing letter.

I’m just worried distance is coming between Andi and Josh. I’m scared. I don’t want anything to come between my magic daddies. I’m worrying the next emails will be signed, like:

By Andi Gladwin, with special guest, Joshua Jay

By Andi Gladwin, additional contributions by, Joshua Jay

An Andi Gladwin Joint. (Based on characters created by Joshua Jay.)

By Andi Gladwin. In loving memory of Joshua Jay.

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Here’s an actual dumb Houdini quote.

The fuck are you talking about, Houdini?

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The GLOMM Elite membership holiday special is back. You can send your loved ones to this link where they will receive one penny off the regular order price and I will throw in not one, but two pieces of tinsel in with your membership kit. The kit comes with the shirt, membership card, enamel pin, and two exclusive PDFs. Sizes are always very limited (since I only print a few in each size at a time), so if you’re interested, make sure your loved one places their order soon.

Should you become an elite member of the GLOMM? Sure, if nothing else then at least for the shirt. Look what an absolute vision our friend Jerri is in the shirt..

Now look what a total disgusting wreck she is outside of the shirt…

Now just imagine what it could do for you.

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Speaking of “very limited,” I hope you weren’t interested in getting Flash Cash from Penguin magic. Or, if you are, I hope you’re prepared to rush over there and order soon. They only have 1181 units available.

Go get your copy now. You don’t want to be person 1182.

Dear Jerxy: Establishing the Public Face of Your Relationship to Magic

Dear Jerxy: You write in a few posts that your "image" is one who has an interest in magic, rather than a magician. You don't give off the impression to friends that you work really hard to accomplish technical gambling moves but rather you belong to a secret circle of magicians with ancient rules and culture, or you met this cool person who can do ACAAN over text, or get nicely wrapped gifts from an overweight Santa figure. 

However, this immersive style of magic you also say you only do 1/3 of the time; the other times you do backstage "let me show you what I'm working on" or traditional presentations. So I'm sure many of your friends know you as a magician, from these traditional presentations. 

When you use cards in some of these "weird" presentations, like the Time Traveler's Toilet, or the torn up card a la intercessor for the trick where you take your friend digging for buried treasure that she never buried with you, does that telegraph that "oh it's just a card trick?" After all, cards are never usually used for such a situation involving toilets -they're used for playing card games. "Why not test it with another object, rather than one historically associated with magic tricks" is a thought that the spectator might think.

Hope that made sense. I think there were two thoughts there, one concerning an image of "the magician," and another concerning the usage of cards and their respective interference with the immersive performance style.

Befuddled in Berkeley

Dear Befuddled:

Okay, I think I might not be clear when I say that my goal is to come off as someone with an interest in magic as opposed to a “magician,” so let me try to clarify.

I think as a social magician, you need to come up with an understanding of how you want people to view you and your relationship to magic. I was watching a Peter Turner video the other day and he says that he never lets the people he’s dating know that what he does isn’t real. He tells them that his abilities are a product of his keen intuition, not tricks. That would be an exhausting way to go through life for me. I want to feel comfortable in my own skin, not like I’m playing a part when I wake up with my girlfriend.

So, what then do I want to project to the friends and family I see all the time? I don’t want to claim special powers. I don’t want to pretend I don’t have an interest in magic and that weird things are just happening around me (you can only keep that up for so long.) But I also don’t want the dullness of, “Yeah, my hobby is magic and these are tricks 1 million other magicians could show you.”

The “story” I tell people is this:

1. When I was a kid, magic was one of many hobbies I had. As it is for many kids. (This is 100% true.)

2. I took that interest further than most kids and I would go to magic stores and lectures and conventions when I was young. (This is mostly true.)

3. My initial interest was in traditional things like tricks with cards and coins, but as the years have passed, I’ve been following many more arcane branches of the art. This had led me to discover all types of strange people, techniques, rituals, objects, etc. This is stuff that you can’t find in the library or on youtube. It’s not supernatural, it’s not witchcraft. It’s just some of the more obscure aspects of magic that most people don’t have access to. (This is mostly untrue.)

So the public face of my relationship with magic is that I’m someone who has an interest in magic that is intense enough that I’ve pursued it far past where most people with a casual interest have and therefore I can show them some things they would be unlikely to see anywhere else. It’s never a matter of me being special. I’ve just come across these weird things and other types of magic because I’ve devoted the time to it and was lucky enough to make connections with people who showed me stuff “beyond sleight-of-hand and gimmicks.” I never really explain what I mean when I say something like that, I just like to imply there’s some other kind of trickery beyond the things they know.

I’ll be getting back to your question, but I’m trying to lay some foundation first.

I will tell you a mistake I made. I used to like performing tricks for friends and family, but I didn’t really want them to associate me too much with magic. I didn’t want to be saddled with the baggage of people’s notions of cornball magicians. So I wouldn’t talk about magic. I would just occasionally show people tricks. They liked the tricks, everything was fine, but they were just disconnected incidents. There was no momentum to the effects; they didn’t mean anything in concert.

Imagine if someone occasionally danced for you and it was really impressive, but they didn’t want to be known as a dancer, didn’t want to be associated with dancers, didn’t want to talk about dancing. They would do this three minute performance for you and that would be the end of it. That’s fine, you’d enjoy the performance, but there would never be a way to connect with that person through this experience.

Over time, I realized that by opening up about my interest in magic, I could give the tricks a broader context and it wouldn’t be just isolated moments of entertainment. The big breakthrough I had was when I realized that I could let people into a fictionalized world of what it meant to have an “interest in magic,” and no one has a problem with that. I didn’t have to embrace all the cheesy aspects of the reality of learning magic. Because magic is inherently fantastical, people are okay with a story that’s not rooted 100% in reality at all times.

Some of the contexts I’ve put tricks in ring true, some don’t. Once people understand that I’m not seriously trying to convince them of anything untrue, they’re usually more than willing to just go along with things. “Did he really find this object in his grandfather’s attic?” At a certain point they realize it doesn’t matter.

Getting back to the original question: how do I reconcile the bigger immersive tricks and the smaller scale “let me show you this trick I’m working on” sort of presentation? The answer is that I don’t have to reconcile them. The relationship with magic that I’ve established is one where I have a history with, and an interest in, classic sleight-of-hand tricks. But in later years I’ve pursued some stranger sorts of things. So it’s a cohesive story no matter what type of effect I perform. I haven’t painted myself into a corner. I can do sponge balls, I can read their mind, I can do a Tenyo trick, I can do a three day trick where I leave a little satchel of dried flowers under their bed and it ends up affecting their dreams (see, “Send Me a Pillow, The One That You Dream On,” in the upcoming book). I can do any of these and they’re all part of the same narrative.

The same goes for the other part of your question: Does using cards telegraph that it’s a trick? Maybe. But that doesn’t matter to me. “I’m never seriously suggesting it’s anything other than a trick. My presumption is that the audience always knows it’s a trick. And my goal is never to disabuse them of that knowledge. My goal for a trick is for it to elicit one of the following reactions.

• They know it’s a trick… but it’s so strong and convincing that they’re forced to briefly consider some absurd presentation I’ve attached to it because that momentarily feels more possible than the idea that it was a trick.

• They know it’s a trick… but it’s such a well thought-out and engaging interaction that they choose to let it wash over them as if it’s real, just because it’s more fun that way.

• They know it’s a trick… but they don’t quite understand the nature of the trick. The trick may be a ball disappears. No modern audience will ever ask, “Did the ball really disappear?” If your goal is to convince them it did, you’re doomed. But you can still generate mystery by getting them to question the nature of the trick via the presentation you establish. “Did he really hypnotize me not to see the ball?” “Is it really some kind of mechanical gimmick and he doesn’t know how it works either?” “Is there really something called, sleight of energy,’ that would allow a manipulation in how I perceive the ball?” “Is this really the first time it’s ever worked for him?” “Has he really been working on this for six weeks?” “Was there really never a ball at all?” Im not trying to convince them of something that isn’t real (the ball really disappeared), but I want to create mystery by blurring the lines in regards to where reality crossed over into fiction.

• They know it’s a trick… but so what? It was an awesome trick and they had fun.

Introducing the Dumb Houdini Store

Last year I stumbled on a shirt with this stupid Houdini graphic on it.

That quote makes no sense. Brain and mind are synonymous in that context. It would be like saying, “I get the best ideas from my thoughts.”

As it turns out, that’s not an actual Houdini quote. Someone just half-remembered something Houdini once said and thought, “Eh, I guess I’ll make a shirt out of that.” You can read more about all this on my original post.

Now, look, I don’t know if Houdini was actually dumb or not. I think to do the things he did you maybe have to be a little dumb (or at least a little crazy). And I do think the last phase of his career—the “I'm going to test spiritualists to see if I can find one who can get me in touch with my mommy” period—perhaps doesn’t suggest the sharpest mind in the world. I don’t see much difference between this statement: “Is this woman actually producing an ectoplasmic hand from her vagina? We shall never know unless we conduct the proper testing!” and this one, “I can’t know if leprechauns exists until I’ve consulted all the peer reviewed research.”

And as I said in the original post, I think calling yourself Houdini because your hero was Houdin is kind of a dumb thing to do.

But whether he was actually dumb or not, I think it’s fun to imagine him as being an idiot. All the old pictures take on a different perspective when you imagine him being a total moron who didn’t intentionally get himself in these situations.

I literally can’t look at pictures of him now without imagining him as a little goofball dum-dum. I see it in his face. I see it in the faces of the people around him.

In my previous post, I joked about a line of t-shirts with fake stupid quotes by Houdini on them.

Well, now they actually exist and just in time for Christmas. The perfect gift for everyone on your list. The Dumb Houdini Collection at the new Dumb Houdini Store.

Yes, this is real. The purpose behind this is two-fold. The first is because I think it’s funny. The second purpose is because I have some projects I’m working on that I care about and I’m trying to figure out if I’m going to use a print-on-demand type of service like this or if I’m going to do what I’ve done with the GLOMM shirts, i.e., use a traditional screen printer, have the shirts shipped to me, and then do the actual shipping out to you myself (or via someone who is helping me out). That’s obviously a more involved process and it means having to try and keep sizes in stock and all that which is a minor pain in the ass.

So the Dumb Houdini Collection is a test of this type of service to see how it works for my needs. If you order a shirt (or sticker) and you have any issues with the service or the quality of the goods, send me an email and let me know. (You don’t need to let me know if all went well. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll just assume that.)

The Dumb Houdini line comes in three different styles, depending on how willing you are to have something stupid on your shirt.

There is the simple Dumb Houdini logo shirt (black).

There is the Dumb Houdini Brainmind shirt (white or light blue)

And the Dumb Houdini Chains shirt (white or stone grey)

To be clear, this is a real thing, and I will be happy to see anyone in a Dumb Houdini shirt in the future. But this is not like a “call to action” type of thing. If you’re not inclined to buy it, don’t feel like, “Oh, I should buy one anyway because I like his site and I should help him out.” Don’t you worry about me. I have everything taken care of. If I make enough to cover the cost of the artwork, I’m good. If I make a million more dollars than that, then I’ll be very good.

Buy this because you want to attract people with your keen sense of fashion. Or buy it to be the envy of the next magic club or convention you go to.

The Dumb Houdini Store will possibly be an outlet for other magic adjacent items in the future, but I’m not making any reference to The Jerx on that site. That way, if someone stumbles across the site or you send them there, it won’t link them back to this site.

Also, Threadless has free shipping for Cyber Monday on orders over $45 in the US or $80 internationally (code: FREESHIP11a87779 ). If you spend $80 on Dumb Houdini merchandise, congratulations, you must have a ton of expendable income, or you are, in fact, as dumb as Houdini.

The Jerx 2018 Least Essential Magic Gift Guide

We always get round-ups of the best gifts to buy someone for the holidays. We don’t need another one of those. So instead I’ve gathered here a few of the least essential magic gifts to put on your wishlist or buy for your magic friends.

Appearing Mop

Guys, please, whatever you do. Don’t tell me how this works. Please! You promise you won’t, right? Not that you’re going to have any idea anyway. I just don’t want someone to spoil this mystery for me. It’s not often that I get to feel truly enchanted by something but this is just the definition of magical.

This is, perhaps, the only trick I’ve ever seen where—if you didn’t tell someone you were doing a trick—they would have no clue that’s what you thought you were doing. “Oh, he pulled a shitty looking mop with a telescoping handle out of a decent sized box. Okay.”

Chocolate Break by Tenyo

I may do a round-up of the 2019 Tenyo line at some point if I get my hands on them all. But here’s a sneak-peek: this one is dogshit. An obviously fake bar of chocolate that can’t be looked at in any manner by the spectator. It might make some sense if you appeared to bite the piece off, but you can’t do that convincingly either.

The only thing of any potential interest in this is the secret, and even that isn’t very interesting.

So you have a fake looking prop that can’t be looked at before or after. This is the type of trick where the best thing you can hope for is total indifference by the spectator because if they take any interest at all in what you’re showing them, the trick will fall completely apart. The second they realize it’s not real chocolate (which is the second they look at it), they will know that it’s just a plastic gimmick and realize if they had one moment to look at it, they’d figure it out. In some Tenyo tricks, some suspicion of the props isn’t a bad thing. With Burglar Ball, for instance, I want them to think this is some little toy and an “obvious trick,” because when it turns out they can examine everything at the end, that fools them extra hard.

With this, they think it’s just an obvious plastic gimmick (which it is) and the moment they say, “Wait, let me see,” your only defense is tell yell NO, tell them you’re not okay with it, and run the other way. Quite literally, you have to treat them showing any interest in the prop as you would a potential sexual assault.

Michael Ammar Poster

I like Michael Ammar quite a bit, but I’ll be honest, they’d have to pay me a lot more than $40 to hang a poster of him on my wall.

Wait…

Hold on…

They want me to pay the $40? Yeah, that’s going to be a hard pass on that one I’m afraid.

As I said once before:

“[Having that poster in your bedroom] would fuck you up. He may have some Easy to Master Card Miracles, but frankly, I think it would be a Miracle if you find it Easy to Masturbate in the presence of that gleaming melon of his.“

As that link shows, I’ve officially been making fun of the idea of a Michael Ammar poster for 14 years now. It’s a rich life.

Solo Jazz Playing Cards

In the 90s, this depressingly shitty pattern was used on Solo cups. In 2015 their was a brief resurgence in the popularity of the pattern as people went though a “hey, remember this shit?” period with it. The pattern was put on shoes, t-shirts, and sweatshirts. Then, with typical magician timing, three years after the revival came and went, someone released a deck of cards with that pattern on it.

Of course, if you have an affinity or nostalgia for this pattern, there’s nothing wrong with that. But it’s always funny to me to read something as in the ad for this deck which says “Limited Edition of 6000.” If you had asked me, “How many people are there who would want a deck of cards with a pattern on the back that looks like an old paper cup?” I would have said, “Somewhere between three and six?”  The fact they made 6000 of these things is mind-boggling to me. But good for them. I hope they sell every one.

Bolt Prediction

As reader L.J. wrote when he proposed this product to me as being one of the least essential: “When magicians do predictions we want something that really touches people on an emotional level. What better than predicting which bolt a spectator unscrews from 5 numbered bolts affixed to the upper portion of a 17cm aluminum plate?”

So true. This hits people right in the heart because it deals with something people actually care about. Bolts and aluminum plates. Surely you’d want to lug this around for the opportunity to show someone a 1 in 5 chance. There’s no response to an effect a magician likes more than, “Oh, so does everyone say ‘3’?”

I like to up the emotional resonance with this fun patter line. “I want you to imagine your child died in a plane crash. This is a piece of the wreckage. The plane crashed because a crucial bolt was missing. How many times do you think your son screamed your name as the plane went down? Three? Well, believe it or not that’s the one that’s missing.”

The video makes this look even more magical than you’re imagining it. The magician only has to fiddle around behind the metal sheet for 20 seconds before doing the reveal.

The nice thing about is, when someone say, “What is the point of the top row of bolts anyway? Why not just have the numbers and the five covered bolts below them? Is it because you had to do something in the back while you were pretending to unscrew the bolt?” The prop is the perfect size and weight to pick up and smash them in the skull with.

Combustible Hat

For my money, there is no better way to accidentally set fire to your head than with the Combustible Hat by A House of Fire.

I realize “Combustible Hat” sounds like a joke product I would make up. It’s not.

I encourage you to visit A House of Fire to check out their other products. There’s genuinely nothing but compliments about this guy’s stuff on the Cafe. I just don’t trust myself with a combustible hat.

Be warned, the website looks like it hasn’t been updated in 30 years. But that’s before websites existed. Yeah, that’s my point.

But it’s worth the visit anyway. This guy is a great character. Like out of a Tim and Eric sketch. He has a new fan in me.

That’s it for this year’s list except for one more least essential item—perhaps the very least essential— that I’m putting out and which will be announced on this site next week. Just in time for Christmas. Stay tuned.

Gardyloo #82

The boys at Vanishing Inc. have done it again!

And by “it” I mean, they’ve made an awkward, incomprehensible gif.

Okay, let’s unpack this. We’ve got a Black Friday sale coming up. So why are they dressed in hippie clothes?

Here’s their rationale…

Okay but… you know saying “Groovy Baby” and dressing like hippies is a 1960s thing, right? You’re off by a decade.

I guess their logic was, What would we be doing in 1976 if we were around then? Probably dressing and acting at least 10 years behind the culture like most magicians.

I’m surprised they weren’t doing a 69% off sale. I just know they would have loved to do the gif to go along with that promotion.

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I was emailing a friend of the site recently about buying a product of his. He kindly offered to send me one and said, “it’s just a shame I couldn’t fool you with it first.”

This gave me an idea that some online magic shop should implement: Live Demos. I don’t just mean videos of live performances as demos. I mean they should have a subset of the products they have available where you could click a button and then schedule a time for a live demo of the product. You’d have to have some kind of fee for this service. Maybe $5. But if the person then decides to purchase the product, the fee is credited to the purchase price.

Not every trick needs to be demonstrated in this way, and not every trick could be demonstrated in this way. But there are some tricks where seeing it live-ish would, I think, be a big selling point. There’s something about going into a magic shop and being fooled by a trick knowing that you’ll have the opportunity to buy that trick and learn its secret. You might say, “That’s what video demos are for.” But those demos have become so artificial it’s not like really watching the trick. (This is why magic on tv isn’t edited like the magic in trick demos. If it was, no one would watch magic on tv because the demos are decidedly unmagical.)

I’ve never been one of those people who bemoaned the loss of physical magic stores. Most of the stores I got a chance to go to were pretty useless (with a couple exceptions) and I don’t really get the nostalgia for them. “Oh, it’s so sad. I miss the good old days when Hank Lee could steal my credit card number in person, not just online.”

But that service people long-for from a real magic store (that I rarely experienced in one) of someone demo’ing a trick for you and answering a few questions is something that I think the online experience could use.

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Pete McCabe brought up a good point to me in regards to the Daniel Madison Erdnase mentioned in Monday’s post.

i think I may have been too quick to judge that book as a pointless exercise. Yes, on first assessment taking a book and only making one change to it (a change that actually makes it harder to learn from) might seem pretty pointless.

But note this…

The original Erdnase is rated as an “intermediate” text by Murphy’s Magic.

However, the Daniel Madison Erdnase actually requires “no skill.”

A version of Erdnase that—somehow—consists solely of self-working techniques and effects is actually a huge contribution to the art. I apologize to Daniel.

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Extreme tipping tonight at a late-night diner, with some friends as we congregated in our hometown for some pre-Thanksgiving festivities.

A few people have asked in the past about a good dollar origami book. I like this one by Janessa Munt. Some easy stuff, some more challenging stuff, but nothing ridiculously crazy. Here’s a tutorial of her folding a dollar turkey if you want to drop a seasonal tip on your table tonight.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US and i want to thank those of you who support the site. Your patronage gives me the time to create and test new ideas. And not just test them once or twice, but with a lot of people over the course of days and weeks. The best insights I’ve had into amateur/social magic have come from doing it every day, which is not something I would have the opportunity to do without your support. Those of you who contribute not only finance the creation of the site, the newsletter, and the book; you also allow me to pay people who help out with the site; and the focus group testing that we do two or three times a year is now completely funded by you. So thank you on my behalf and thank you on behalf of everyone who reads this site who is leeching off your generosity.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

A Critical Examination of an Important New Magic Release

Daniel Madison is releasing a version of Expert at the Card Table today. It’s not updated, it’s not annotated. It just has his tattoos added to the hands in the illustrations.

Very funny, Andy.

I’m not kidding. I wish I was this funny. If I was going to make up a stupid Daniel Madison related project it would have been like, a whiskey-scented Octopalm, or a sponge ding-dong with a Prince Albert piercing. I could never have conceived of something this good. It’s legit. Here’s the link.

I know what you’re doing right now. You’re feeling your face to check the beard growth. “Clearly,” you’re thinking, “I was trampled by a team of clydesdales and I have been in a coma and I’ve just woken up and it’s April Fools Day. Oh please, benevolent God, please let it just be four months that I have been away. I shan’t be able to bear it if I have lost multiple years of my precious life with my sweet Alma, and our children, Effie, Jasper, Silas, Edith, Fannie, Wallace, Owen, Ida, Josephine. And Lula, Archie, Claude, Mabel, Leona, Clarence, Cassius, Mercy, and Bernadette. And the little ones, Samson, Augustine, Ephraim, Calvin, Jack, Grover and Marjorie. And the triplets, Chester, Adeline, and Floyd. Blessed be! Please, dear lord. Clearly some time has passed because there is no chance this is not a joke product. And you don’t promote joke products on the 19th of November. You do that on April first. Damn those abominable clydesdales!”

No. It’s not a joke (I don’t think). Someone put money into this project and is hoping to recoup it. Hey, I hope they do. I have my own ideas for some essential editions of The Expert at the Card Table that I will be releasing soon as a c̶a̶s̶h̶ ̶g̶r̶a̶b̶ valuable contribution to the art.

Do you wear a ring? Well wouldn’t you like to see illustrations of someone who is also wearing a ring? We’ve got you covered with…

The Expert at the Card Table: Ring Edition

Do you wear a lot of rings? Is wearing a lot of rings your “thing”? Do you think it comes off cool but everyone around you thinks you’re trying too hard? Well get ready for…

The Expert at the Card Table: A Lot of Rings Edition

Are you black? No you’re not. You’re reading a magic blog. I’m just playing the odds here. But let’s say you’re black. Aren’t you sick of the cracker’s “bible” of card magic? A lot of privilege in that book, if you ask me. Must be real nice for whitey to be able to pick up any magic book and find illustrations that look like him. Well, I’ve solved that problem with…

The Expert at the Card Table: Soul Edition

Lose two fingers grabbing a handful of peach smoothie from a running blender?

The Expert at the Card Table: Smoothie Lover Edition

Are you wearing short sleeves and have hairy arms?

The Expert at the Card Table: Robin Williams Commemorative Edition

Do cocaine?

The Expert at the Card Table: Cokehead Edition

Super gay?

The Expert at the Card Table: Dong Lover’s Edition

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Inspired by this release, this Friday’s post (which is black Friday and the unofficial start of the holiday shopping season) will be a guide to magic’s least essential products. Feel free to nominate any products you think qualify via email.

Gardyloo #81

I need some help tracking down a video I used to have. I don’t remember much about it, but I do remember I learned cool magic from it. Any ideas?

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Cafe Soaps: Turner Watch Edition

I always love a good Magic Cafe soap opera. These are threads on the Cafe that go on for at least 10 pages (although 30 or 40 is more indicative of a true Cafe Soap). That’s enough time for characters to emerge and plot lines to come and go. With the “Chef’s Special” section of the Cafe having long gone defunct and discussion and reviews of magic tricks now more in the domain of youtube and facebook, the Cafe Soap is possibly the one genuinely unique thing the Magic Cafe brings to the art at this point.

If you don’t make it a point to follow threads on the Cafe—if you have something better going on in your life, like…oh, say… gradually gauging your rectum over the course of a month with a traffic cone—I will try and keep you abreast of any good soaps that you might miss.

The best drama currently on the Cafe is in regards to the Turner Watch. A gimmicked watch project that was funded this summer and is maybe about to come out now after a short delay.

Lots of good stuff in this thread, I won’t spoil it for you. But if you’re asking if they produced a gimmicked watch with the name of that gimmicked watch on the face of the watch itself, the answer is yes.

In my opinion, the biggest problem is that we might be, like, two months from the concept of a watch with hands that you can move remotely seeming commonplace. You might be able to fool your grandpa with it, but many people under the age of 50 will probably be familiar with a similar technology. And then they’ll be like, “Oh, is this one of those watches you can control with an app?” And you’ll be like, “Uh…what? No.” And they’ll be like, “Hmmm, maybe I’ll google the name printed across the front of the watch then.” And the next thing you know they’re on the watch’s web page, or their instagram, or that Cafe thread, or maybe here (Hi!).

You might say, “Well, it’s not that common now. Maybe 1 person in 10 has ever heard of a hybrid watch.” Okay, that means if you perform for a group of 6 people, you have a 50% chance that someone in the group will have a good idea what’s going on. What do you think the conversation will be like after you leave that group?

Hey, this shit happens. Before app-controlled lights were completely common, I used them as part of a trick a couple of times. That was just a few years ago, but it wouldn’t fly now. (I still use them in some of the more overt, non-secret ways mentioned in that post.)

With any luck, the people who bought the watch will be able to use it for a good few days before everyone they perform it for is like, “Oh yeah, my nephew has one of those watches.”

Actually, the most depressing thing in that thread are the guys who are like, “I perform corporate magic. If one of my clients saw me wearing a watch like this they’d think I was a worthless piece of human trash and never talk to me again.” Like, sweet christ, that’s your typical audience? Some corny motherfuckers who care about watches? I feel lucky because—while I do engage with a number of very successful individuals—none of them are this type of status-symbol weirdo. I didn’t even know such people existed outside of movies from the 80s.

“Hey, maybe they’re assholes, but they pay well.”

THAT’S WHAT WHORES SAY!

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Okay, i kind of get it when someone who sells casino supplies or something like that misguidedly writes me to see if they can have a sponsored post on this site. Clearly they haven’t spent two seconds here to have any idea of the type of content, but I at least know what sort of keywords they entered to find my site.

Yesterday, however, I received an email with the subject “Salvaged Cars,” and I have no clue why I was targeted for this.

Hi there, 

I assume you deal with salvaged and rebuilt titles on cars?

If so I have an article already written that is relevant to your business that overlaps with auto insurance covering the restored, rebuilt, or salvaged car. The article helps people understand that once the salvaged car is rebuilt and restored, people need to get it insured. 

Would you like to look at it? I work for an insurance comparison company called QuoteWizard and have a lot of knowledge on this subject. 

I am only allowing one company to use it for duplication concerns. Shall I send it to you? 

I am looking forward to your thoughts,

Nathan Barber
QuoteWizard

My response:

Hi Nathan. It’s a shrewd assumption on your part that I deal with salvaged and rebuilt cars. I haven’t explicitly stated this on my site, but it has been subtext for most of my posts. Like when I talk about “mechanic’s grips.” That’s a nod to the manner in which people who rebuild cars hold their wrenches.

I’m a little bummed you’re just bringing me this offer now. It would have been great to have your already written article for inclusion in my forthcoming book, but sadly that is in the hands of the publishers.

I would very much be interested in this article. Would you accept $8000 for allowing me to be the “one company” that is allowed to distribute it? Originally that money was going to be used to make a pilot for my improv group (The Shennanigoats) to pitch to the WB. But I’m not sure if that’s going to happen because Kurt and Tonya are fighting, and Kurt might quit. Also The WB doesn’t exist anymore. Do you do improv?

Anyway, great to hear from you. Can’t wait to read the article! Sounds like it’s a real doozy.

Your pal,

Andy

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Can anyone put me in touch with someone at L&L? Specifically I’m looking for someone who can connect me with the regulars from the old L&L audience. I have some projects I’m thinking about that I’d like to involve them in. I’m not kidding.

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Oh, and you can forget about that first question at the top of this post. I found the video I was thinking about.