Endorsements for Sale
/I haven’t endorsed many releases since I started this site 10 years ago. I’m not against it, exactly. People don’t ask me that often. Which I guess is a good thing. If you want a genuine endorsement, the best thing to do is probably to send me your product. If I like it and use it, I’ll end up writing about it in the Love Letters newsletter for supporters. And then you can scavenge that write-up for an endorsement. Of course, that probably means you wouldn’t get your endorsement until the product was released, so that might not serve your needs. Oh well.
I find most endorsements so phony-sounding, I’m surprised they’re persuasive to anyone. It’s clearly a mutual back-slapping society where if you say nice things about my product, I’ll say nice things about yours. “Back-slapping” may be too innocuous for what it is. It’s like a circle of guys with their dicks in each other’s asses. Is there a name for that? I’m sure there is. But I’m not googling it. My computer is already disgusted by the things I search.
Regardless, I thought I would start offering a new service.
Endorsements for Sale, Series #1
I have pre-written some endorsements. You can buy them at the paypal link below. You can attach them to any product you want. You don’t need my permission. Once you’ve paid the price, you can do whatever you want with it—although it must be published in full. Each endorsement can only be purchased once. So you will have a true exclusive.
Endorsement #1 - $78.00
“When I saw that ping-pong ball get sucked up into the bottle, I was pretty impressed. But when Bobby said, ‘And you can keep that as a souvenir.’ MY JAW DROPPED!!! Best trick of Magic-Live.”— Andy (The Jerx)
This one is pretty cheap. And it’s really only best suited if your name is Bobby, and you have a trick where a ping-pong ball gets sucked into a bottle. If that’s the case, you’re making out like a bandit here. But even if you’re selling an e-book on the 3 Shell Game, you could still buy this and put it in your ad. Perhaps the incongruity of the endorsement will draw more eyes to your product.
Endorsement #2 - $135
“Honestly bro… this is pretty average.” —Andy (The Jerx)
Okay, this isn’t the most glowing endorsement, I admit. But it is almost universally applicable to any release. And there’s a decent chance it’s more positive than your release deserves.
Endorsement #3 - $225 [SOLD OUT]
“No, no, no… are you kidding me? No. no, no… seriously? No, no, no… I mean… Noooooo… for real? No. Just no. No, no, no… I can’t even… like… wait… hold up…. No, no, no… you didn’t just do that. No. That’s not… I can’t…it’s just…there’s no way. No.” —Andy (The Jerx)
Endorsement #4 - $300 [SOLD OUT]
This one would work well in a subject line for an email as well as in the ad copy itself.
“Wow. I just shitted my pants. BIG TIME!” —Andy (The Jerx)
Endorsement #5 - $500 [SOLD OUT]
“I don’t think you should sell this. I want to be the only one doing it! LOL. Seriously though. Please don’t sell this. It’s just too good. I want it all to myself. What can I do to make you not sell this? I’ll do anything you want. Anything. Dude, I’ll do that. I will. I’ll suck your dick. For real, man. Just think about it. The tip, the shaft, the balls. The whole ‘kit and kaboodle.’ Both of your kaboodles, as a matter of fact. It doesn’t mean you’re gay. You can close your eyes. I just really want to be the only one doing this trick. So please, let me do that for you. Please!”—Andy (The Jerx)
Endorsements may be purchased below. Only one of each is available.