Great To See The Pendragons Performing Together Again

I went with a buddy to an early showing of Jurassic World today. I give it a B+. Then we went to Hooters and I got some buffalo shrimp and french fries. Hooters buffalo shrimp isn't the worlds greatest seafood, but as far as a delivery system to your mouth of salt, grease, and ranch dressing, it's hard to beat. I give that meal a B+ too. So, so far it's been an A+ day. (Look, you have to learn to have A+ days without needing to have A+ experiences all the time. That's the secret to happiness.)

Tonight I'm going to Coney Island with a friend and then we're coming back to my apartment. I plan to show her a new(ish) presentation for a word reveal called the Perverted Pre-Adolescent Presentation. I did it once before, about a year ago and it went over ok, but not great. Something reminded me of it this weekend so I thought I'd give it another shot. I've made some adjustments to the presentation since the first time I did it and I'll let you know how it goes over. 

See you on the flippety flip.

Erdnase Revealed!

Holy shit! Well, you can't say this isn't an exciting time to be involved in magic! Erdnase has FINALLY been revealed! This is amazing. I don't know what else to say but, Wow! 

I'm a little confused that I seem to be the first to be reporting on this because the news has been out for a couple of months now, but I guess everyone isn't as plugged in as I am.

Anyway, Erdnase is actually a guy named Chris Ramsay. He was on Wizard Wars, for fuck's sake! Right under our noses this whole time. 

The even better news is he's signing copies of his book and you can buy them here for just $50! I just bought 12 dozen of these bad boys. It will be a sweet little investment for my grandkids someday.

Update

Okay, I'm an idiot. This Chris Ramsay guy isn't Erdnase. I misunderstood. I guess this is just a new edition that he did annotations for or something. Sorry.

Also, does anyone want to buy a copy of this through me? I'm going to hold on to a bunch because I'm sure it will still be a pretty good investment, just not sure I need 144 copies.

Update 2

Okay, wrong again. That's what I get for skimming the ad. There is no new material here, no annotations or anything like that. It's just Erdnase. With a black cover.

Does anyone know how quickly you have to act to cancel a credit card order?

Update 3

So is there anything preventing anyone from releasing their own version of Expert At The Card Table? Hell, I'll annotate the shit out that book and come out with my own version.

Update 4

Whoever wrote that ad copy has a way with words. Wait, you can say someone "has a way with" something when they're horrible with it right? Like that mom in Detroit whose kids were found in the freezer; we can say she "has a way with" child-rearing, yes?

It's a tough predicament to try to expand, "It's Expert At The Card Table but with a black cover," into a couple of paragraphs. I guess that's why this is just a bunch of jibberish. If you're the person responsible for this, I've done you the favor of giving you a rough edit:

---

Unequivocally, the most renowned book of its kind.“The Expert At The Card Table” has often been referred to as the “Bible” of card magic by magicians and gambling experts alike. Due to its content, [Yes, it goes without saying that the value of this work is "due to its content." But that might not be the greatest thing to emphasize when you're trying to sell a book that is only offering a new cover.] It is still today one of the most relevant referrals references on sleight of hand card techniques in the world. The identity of the author “S.W. Erdnase” even today remains one of the most mysterious pseudonyms of our all time. [The pseudonym is from 100+ years ago. It is not "of our time."]

In today's modern age of card sharp, a new genre of conjuror emerges. [What on earth are you talking about?]One that requires the tools to fit trade. [Did the old "genre" of conjuror NOT require the tools to "fit [the] trade"?] This edition of “The Expert At The Card Table” comes in a luxurious black hard cover, with an updated feel. [Updated feel?] The perfect color, the perfect size and the perfect book for any serious collector or practitioner of Erdnase. [I think you don't need to explain that Expert At the Card Table is the "perfect book" for a collector of Erdnase. There aren't a whole lot of other options. "Perfect size"? I don't know why that's the case. As far as the "Perfect color" goes...]

---

Update 5

The ad does make a good point though. This is a huge improvement on previous versions because it is now "the perfect color." I want women to swoon when I pass. "Who's that mysterious stranger with that black book under his arm?" Finally people will see what a cool guy I am and they won't taunt me and stomp me with their big, heavy boots and call me a faggot like they do when I carry my copy of EATCT with the green cover.

But does this version go far enough? I'm not sure. I really want the cover of my version of Expert at the Card Table to make it clear I'm no sissy. I'm going to put some flames on it. And a skull, but not a normal one; a laughing skull. This skull is going to be like flipping his shit because he's so badass. When you see this skull you'll be all, "I don't know whose flesh used to cover that thing, but I guarantee it was some cool dude, because this skull is a total bad motherfucker."

Update 6

Just sent my graphics guy $1800 to bang out a mock-up of the cover for my edition of EATCT. How sick is this shit?! Forget the Erdnase Color Change. Erdnase just got a sex change, because compared to the original queeny green cover with that fruity non-updated feel, my version is 100% man.

The Douchening

For the next couple of days I will be going through a process I do every two to three years that I call The Douchening. It's just a process of cleansing out every area of your life. People tend to get on a roll when they start eliminating things. If you've ever watched Hoarders you'll see this phenomenon. At the beginning of the episode some sloppy nut-job will be pitching a fit because her therapist tries to get her to throw out an empty, crushed raisin box, but by the end of the show they (sometimes) get in the zone and are able to clear out huge amounts of stuff. 

I've found you can build this momentum in your personal life too. You start The Douchening by cleaning out your closets, your junk drawer, your hard-drive, your facebook friends; and then you build on that and eventually you're disposing of bad-habits, grievances, and unfulfilling relationships. I think you can kind of trick your brain a little. It's like, "Should I do meth today? Oh, right, I tossed out that meth habit along with those beanie babies and everything else during The Douchening." 

More on this when I launch my lifestyle and productivity blog, Splooge.

Bad ideas

I have a draft in my gmail that I dump every dumb thought I have into. It grows to a list 1000s of items long. Eventually I sort through them and remove 99% of them which are moronic. Here are some of the dumber ones I purged today. Most I have zero recollection of making note of and often I don't even know what the fuck I'm going on about.

• Mirrored sunglasses that are also mirrored on the inside for practicing for staring contests
• Neck Brace that looks like a scarf
• Solar powered vibrator
• A large, lightweight netting that you put down in your backyard at the beginning of autumn. All the leaves fall on it and then you just drag them to the curb for pick-up. No raking. Product called: Leaf Me Alone.
• Corncob crack-pipe 
• It would be funny to tell someone you've invented a machine that records dreams. Hook him up to a bunch of wires and stuff and have him go to sleep. In the morning you play him the video of "his dream" and it's a video you shot through the window of his mom masturbating.
• A doorbell that makes a knocking sound [huh?]
• Quarter Loafers, (penny loafers for rich people)
• Dump a bunch of ranch dressing into the soil of your vegetable garden and see if the vegetables that grow there taste better
• A disposable cardboard nightstand for camping called One Night Stand.

MCJ the Lost Posts

I like to take it easy on the weekends here at The Jerx. Actually, I like to take it easy on weekdays too. I just generally like to take it easy. Especially after a week of long, more involved posts as I've had here this week. 

So today I'm reposting an old Magic Circle Jerk post which I think is otherwise lost to history (as in, I think it's one of the missing months on the Internet Archive for MCJ. But I don't really know because I didn't look all that hard for it.)

So below, from January 6th, 2004, is me making fun of the following ad...

From The Magic Circle Jerk - January 6th, 2004

Erogenous Zones 

Hello, Sexies.

I just picked up the October issue of Genii the other day. Yeah, I know I'm two months late, get over it. If you flip open that issue of the magazine you'll probably land on the two page Magic Zone ad on page 56 and 57. I love that ad. Now, I'm not questioning the feasibility or marketability of The Magic Zone franchise. To do that would be to ruin my shot of Kaufman hiring me to write the back page. I kid. Listen, I'm sure you can make money selling anything, but look at the picture of The Magic Zone kiosk, IT STOCKS NOTHING BUT D'LITES!!! Are you kidding me? D'lites are something you pitch standing on the back of a pick-up at a flea market then go 50 miles down the road and pitch in the next town. You don't open a store in the mall that sells glowing thumbtips. But what do I know, apparently it's doing well for them.

My problem with the ad is that it is an aggregation of every cheesy infomercial, bullshit cliche in existence, so of course it's going to appear like a scam to most people. From the relentless exclamation points to the testimonial about quitting your day job to the guy leaning against the Lamborghini. I love it. 

I was reading some message board or something and an owner of a Magic Zone came on and said something like, "Hey, were not some bullshit thing. We really help local magicians and we teach people how to use our products and give them support and so on, and so on." They give people product support. How retarded are you when you can't work a D'lite? I'm guessing these consultations sessions go something like this.

Customer: Hello. I'm having an issue with my D'lite.

Clerk: Well, we're here to serve you. What's the problem?

Customer: I keep getting my head stuck in it.

Because that's about how fucking stupid someone would have to be to have any questions on how to use a D'lite.

And I love Rocco leaning up against the Lamborghini, he's got the door propped open and he's looking at you as if to say, "Hey, I'm about to hop into my sweet ride and go cruising for tail. I just wanted to let you know about this hot business opportunity of selling magic in shopping malls. Maybe you're cool enough to take advantage of the opportunity, but maybe you're too square. Who's to say? I'm not implying anything but when some broad sees that Magic Zone logo on your vest, you can guarantee she will open her own "magic zone" just for you. You know what I mean? It doesn't take a genius to follow the progression: You get a Magic Zone franchise, you make the money, you buy the Lamborghini, you get the ladies. I mean seriously, you get a franchise and not only will your thumbtips be glowing red but so will your cock with gonorrhea from all the pussy you get."

I'd love to hear from any Magic Zone owner's past or present with anything good or bad to say about the experience. I have a feeling there are a bunch that are D'irt poor and D'estitute.

Presentation Week Part 5: The Distracted Artist Presentation

And so Presentation Week comes to an end. I want to map out a little of how I personally use these types of presentations so we can recognize a hole and then fill it.

I've talked a lot this week about having big, weird, spectacular presentations whenever possible. Let's call these immersive presentations. In the 1989 New Yorker profile of Penn and Teller, Teller talks about what he wants people to get from his show. “I would like for people to have the experience I would like to have. Which is for a period of time I would like to have my attention compelled by something that moves me from one place to another, from one feeling to another, from one understanding to another—and hints at mysteries that somehow fit together... You start off at the beginning, and you come out and you feel like you’ve been someplace." That is what I'm going for. And I actually think it's easier to do this type of thing outside the confines of a theater, so the amateur performer is lucky in that way.

I have about 80 of these types of presentations which I cycle through. And these types of performances probably account for 40% of the material I show to other people. (There are those who suggest you only do a handful of tricks and do them well. Maybe a good idea for professionals, but if you're an amateur who would enjoy doing the same 6 tricks over and over, I have bad news for you. You might have brain damage.)

Yesterday I wrote about performing without patter and how I lead into those pieces. For me these are mostly card tricks and I only perform in this way for people who have expressed a real interest in seeing more magic. Essentially they have to beg me at some point. These are effects that are interesting in the moment but they don't lend themselves to a more dynamic presentation. I think of them kind of like action movies in that they're enjoyable to sit through but I'm not expecting my audience to remember a damn thing about it after 30 minutes. Unlike with the immersive presentations, my goal isn't to leave them with some crazy experience, but just to show them a good time. I have about 50 effects I perform in this style, (half of which I know cold, and the other half I'd have to reacquaint myself with for a few minutes before performing them) and they make up about 30% of my performances. 

The final 30% of the magic I do consists of non-performances. Let me clarify, I'm not talking about doing tricks without a presentation. I'm talking about doing a trick without there being a performance.

This idea came to me years ago. I was out to dinner with a friend of mine who is an artist. I'm fascinated by people who can draw because I have no skill in that area. We were at a diner in New Jersey. There were paper placemats and crayons on the table for kids to draw with. As we talked, my friend picked up a crayon and was distractedly doodling on the placemat. By the time our food came she had sketched this old guy in a neighboring booth. She had drawn something that was greater than anything I ever would and she didn't even acknowledge it or pay much attention to it as she was doing it. And I was kind of taken with the idea of art as a byproduct of boredom and just the notion of doodling in general. And I wanted to try and map that on to a magic performance.

We all understand the concept of someone distractedly sketching, or half-heartedly noodling around on an acoustic guitar. And we would kind of expect those things from artists or musicians. So if your art, hobby, interest, pastime or whatever you want to call it is magic -- the apparent manipulation of the laws that govern the world around you -- it seems like this should manifest itself in a bunch of small ways that don't begin with you saying, "Gather around everyone and let me show you something."

I experimented with this kind of presentation and Conjunction by Joshua Quinn. I'd be out to eat with someone and while we talked and waited for food I'd be making little tears in a business card. The magician is doodling. When I was done I'd just set down two linked paper circles torn from one business card and never say a word about it. When the person noticed it my response was, "Huh?" That's always my first response with the distracted artist presentation. "Huh? Oh.... that's bizarre." You've got to slow-play this. You're not being humble and you're not acting like you're not responsible for it, you're just not taking credit for it because you don't see it as something to take credit for. These things just happen. This is just some old muscle-memory of something you may have practiced once. It's like tapping out the cadence from your high school marching band on the table-top. If someone really presses you, then take a cue from our previous presentation discussion and give them something juicy to chew on while still distancing yourself from what happened. "Look, I don't know," you say. "I vaguely remember some math book in my grandpa's basement and it had this one chapter... something like depending on how you folded paper you could tear part of it in another dimension while keeping the part in this dimension intact or something. I know I read it, but I could never get it to work. This is just a fluke. I couldn't do it again in a million years."

The next one I remember doing a lot was Sticky Situation by Andy Leviss. We'd be at a restaurant and at some point I'd take the gum out of my mouth, stretch it back into an unchewed stick, wave it until it's re-wrapped, then set it down on the table for later (shuttle pass). When my dinner date would be like, what the...? and start questioning me, my response would build in this way:

• Huh?

• I did what?

• That seems unlikely.

• I'm pretty sure I swallowed my gum and pulled this stick from my pocket... didn't I?

• Oh wait... no... you're right. I only had one piece left so I wanted to save this for later. [You say this as if that explains everything.]

• Hmmm... honestly I wasn't paying attention. I must have read how to do it in a book or something, I guess. You know how there are those things you don't even remember learning? I guess it's one of those things.

After starting with those two effects, I essentially began performing everything I could that way. I'd get a hotdog from a street vendor and when I was done I'd vanish the napkin. I'd absentmindedly poke holes in my shirt and then heal them. I'd balance some silverware in impossible formations and as soon as my friend noticed, I too would notice and they'd >klang< back to the table. 

At first, about 50% of the time, the thing you do will go unnoticed. That's fine. Just let it be. You'll get better at choosing your spots. My batting average is much higher now. It only goes unnoticed maybe 1 in 20 times.

You can do almost any effect that is a single phase and uses normal objects this way. I've done ring flight this way where I ask to see their ring (Don't ask to "borrow" something. That's a performance term. This is a non-performance.) I ask to see the ring and ask if there's a story behind it. We talk. As I hand it back she grabs hold of my house key. She's confused. I'm confused. "Did you do that?" I ask. "That looks just like my house key." I pull my keys out and her ring is dangling from the key ring. I scratch my head. "You've gotta be kidding me." She squints and cocks her head at me. We trade our objects. The rest of the night whenever our paths cross we give each other a look.

People often praise magicians of the past and say, "It was like the magic was happening to him, not because of him." I agree this can be a powerful style of performance, but the guy is standing on a stage in a tux holding billiard balls, certainly that suggests he had some notion about what was to come. But when you're performing in the real world you can get a lot more mileage out of these types of presentations. The question of what you're responsible for, what you're doing consciously, what you're doing unconsciously -- nothing is immediately certain.

Do I think people believe these things are just really happening? It's a moot question because the answer is: I don't care. I'm not asking them to believe. And what you'll find is when you don't ask something of someone, they don't resist following the path you lay out. So in regards to this mystery you've left them with, their mind just might fill that void with what a critical mind would find unbelievable. When the unknown seems sinister we fill it with our fears, not our hopes. A babysitter hears a noise in the attic and she attributes it to a rat, a monster, a rapist, not Nick Jonas. But on the flip-side, if the unknown seems pleasant we will ascribe to it what we want it to be. So do they want to believe in the mystery or do they want to believe I choreographed the moment to provide them a little entertainment? I'm fine either way.

Get started with non-performing this weekend. Tomorrow morning, bring your loved one breakfast in bed, a bagel cut like this. (Thanks to Joe Mckay for bringing that video to my attention.) Make no mention of it. When they say something about it, rub your eyes as if you're still half asleep. "Huh. Well I'll be damned." 

(If there are other magicians in your bedroom, follow it up by saying, "I didn't think such a thing was possible without a key bagel. Am I right!? I don't know about a key bagel, but we definitely got the lox!!!" Then realize that you've just made a joke that is no less funny than at least half of what passes as comedy magic. Add "comedy magic show" to the offerings on your website.)

Presentation Week Part 4: Spectator Cuts to the Aces 3 Ways

Spectator Cuts to the Aces is definitely in my top 10 most performed tricks. I use John Bannon's Directed Verdict (or one of the variations) which is pretty much perfect. I almost always let the spectator shuffle first by holding out the aces and then palming them in. Actually, that's a lie. I don't "hold out" the aces and "palm them in." But there isn't really nomenclature that exists for a lot of the methods used in informal magic. The truth is the aces are in my hoodie pocket or behind a pillow on the couch, and then I just put them on the deck when they're not looking. 

Version 1 - (Peek Backstage) The No Patter Version

Spectator Cuts to the Aces is one of those tricks that magicians haven't really found a way to mess up with bad patter. It's a pretty pure trick, and I'm happy to present it that way. I'm not always advocating for a deep, world-building presentation. I just think those are the most fun to perform, interesting for the spectator, and they stay with them the longest. But remember that part of my patter algorithm I talked about earlier in the week is that if the patter isn't strong enough to stand on its own, then I dump it. So I'm not against a bare bones presentation, they just don't have the same long-lasting impact and are more for transient enjoyment. And that's fine, in fact it's a good thing for the non-pro performer to not always hit the same notes in a performance. Look, sometimes you want a long slow seduction that lasts half the night, sometimes you want to flip her skirt up and bend her over the kitchen table, and sometimes you just want to make-out on the couch in your underpants. The reason your love-life is so stale isn't because you're a terrible fuck. You've just been in a tired routine, possibly for years. Change things up. Okay, the truth comes out, this isn't a magic blog. Your wife hired me to get this message to you, and this was the only way I could think to approach you with your guard down.

Where was I? Yes, mix your style up.

The truth is, even when I perform with "no" patter, there is kind of a meta-patter going on. I'm about to give you a gift and give you the line I often lead into these performances with. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's a gift. It's a line that will have your spectator significantly more engrossed in what you perform. But I only use it on someone who has seen me perform something grander and more involved sometime previously.

I don't say, "Want to see a trick?"

I say, "Can I get your opinion on something I'm working on?"

or

"I've got something new I'm trying to work the kinks out of. Can I show you? I think you'd be perfect for this."

Or any similar words that express:

1. This is a work in progress. 

2. I specifically want to perform this for you.

We seriously undervalue the inherent interest in giving people a behind the scenes look at this type of work. If someone has seen you perform something that blew their mind in the past, I guarantee you that they are so primed to see "something you're working on." What often prevents people from going down this route is -- as I've mentioned all week -- that it conflicts with their need to be seen as real. "I can't ask someone to see a 'rough draft' because that would imply I'm not really psychic." Okay. Keep shooting yourself in the foot.

I don't want to come off as in love with my ideas if they're really not that great, but I truly believe there is magic in this line. It flips a switch in people. It's intriguing, flattering, and best of all, it's true. All our effects are works in progress, and you should want to perform it for that specific person (or else why bother?) and value any opinions and insights they can give. 

If it's still not clear why this is powerful, imagine this scenario... You go to your friend's house and he says, "Do you want to see the windmill photos I took that they're going to display at the coffee shop?" You say, "Sure." Now, unless you have some particular interest in windmills, you're going to flip through those things quick as shit so you can get on with your night. But if he says, "I'm really glad you're here. I was hoping I could get your thoughts on which of these windmill photos I should give to the coffee shop to display." You still have no interest in windmills or photography but now you're giving each one a good look, comparing composition, really getting into it. All that has changed is your friend went from showing you something to making you a part, however small, of the process. That makes people feel valued. And that stays with them.

Version 2 - The Ocean's Eleven Version

Spectator Cuts to the Aces isn't really a gambling trick, but I sometimes make it one. Gambling tricks are notoriously bad as far as presentation goes. They're either just demonstrations of skill, or they're these passive, dull stories about some old poker game you were supposedly in. I'm going to give you a generic gambling presentation that you can use for most gambling routines. It's really just a set of rules I apply to the way I present gambling tricks.

1. I make it active. (As in it takes place in the present tense. I'm not repeating some story about a game that didn't happen.)

2. I make it urgent.

3. It's not a demonstration or a trick. It's a rehearsal.

So for Spectator Cuts the Aces...

You [acting all coked up]:

Oh, dude, I'm so glad you're here. I need your help with something. Take a seat. Mix these up. Wait, wait. Not there. That's where the Brazilian will be sitting. I need you to sit here. Okay cool. Now I need to try something. Cut a small portion of cards off the deck. Actually... wait... put that back. He's left-handed. So I need you to do it with your left hand. Great. Okay, now another. And another. And one last one. Let's see what we've got.

[You turn over a 4 of hearts, 8 of hearts, King of clubs, and 7 of diamonds.]

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell happened here? Goddammit. I just can't.... Hold on.

[You go in the other room and can be heard making a phone call.]

Call it off man, we're done. It's not happening [Pause] Listen dude, I said it's DONE. It's not going to work. So what the fuck are we doing this for? To get ourselves arrested or killed? No, I'm out. Find someone else. [Pause] What do you mean? I just tried it again. [Pause] No. Not one. [Pause] I don't know. You tell me, dude, because I sure as shit don't know. [Pause] No. That won't work. [Pause] Because it won't, that's why. We can't... wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold up. Is there any way we'll have access to the lighting in the room? [Pause] And Johnny can do that, right? Hold on, I need to try something.

[You hang up and go back into the room with your friend.]

Look, I'm going to tell you something, but you have to promise not to tell anyone or I'll rip your throat out. I swear to god. We have a big score coming up. Potentially a life-changing one. I got into a poker game this weekend that could set me up real nice for a real long time. I've got a crew together. We were supposed to have another couple months to figure this out, but the sultan's daughter threw a fit and got her wedding moved up and now they're in town this weekend. So we're trying to rush this shit, but it's not working. We have a way to introduce our own decks into the game, but it's all going to fall apart unless we can get the sultan to cut exactly where we want him to when it comes around to him. I'm killing myself trying to figure this shit out. But I might be onto something.

[You lower the lights in the room just slightly.}

Here. Cut the cards into four piles again. Here, here, here, and here. Turn over the cards you cut to.

[They're all aces.]

Oh my god. This is going to work. This is going to work!

[You take your friend's face in your hands and kiss him square on the lips.]

You can end here, with your friend wondering how the hell he cut to the aces by you adjusting the lighting, but I would take it further.

[A couple days later, rent a bright yellow Lamborghini. Drive to your friends house and lay on the horn until he comes outside. Roll down your window.] 

Hey dude. We did it. We fucking did it. It didn't go exactly as planned but we got that fucking money. Oh, I have something for you.

[You unzip your jacket to reach into an inside pocket. It's at this point your friend notices that you shirt is covered in what appears to be blood. You pull out a (fake) Rolex from inside your jacket.]

I want you to have this. You keep your mouth shut, okay?

[There are specks of blood on the watch. You roll up the window and drive away. Never contact this friend again.]

Version 3 - The Creepy Child Version

The idea of using an ace cutting routine to cut to something other than the aces is a good one. This presentation uses that idea.

Your friend, Lisa comes over to have dinner and watch a movie. On the coffee table is a crayon drawing done by a young child of a jumbled bunch of cars. "What's this?" she asks.

"Oh," you say, "My niece came over a couple days ago. She loves to draw. I actually told her all about you. She loved hearing about your cat. Oh wait! Want to see something weird? Look at that picture again. Now look at the cover of today's paper. Doesn't her drawing look way similar to the photo of this accident in the paper? I mean, it's not identical, of course. But it's like the same number of cars and this tree is in the same position. But she drew this three days ago. And that accident just happened yesterday. I mean, I know it's just a coincidence but it still freaked me out a little. Her mom is always telling me she has these visions that come true but her mom is such a flake. She also claimed that her grandmother had these visions as well, but then her grandmother got hit by a bus. So much for seeing the future, right?"

"Hey, can I get your opinion on something I'm working on?"

You perform the effect.

"Wouldn't it be amazing if you cut to the four aces?"

You turn over the first card, it's the ace of diamonds. The next card is the ten of diamonds, followed by the four of clubs and the six of hearts.

"Well, that needs more work. I think maybe you shuffled too much. Eh, it was worth a shot. Where should we order dinner from? I had chinese last night so I'd rather..."

As you talk your eyes fall back onto the cards Lisa cut to and your voice fades off.

"No way," you say, getting off the couch. You grab Lisa's hand and pull her with you to the kitchen. Stuck with a magnet to the refrigerator is a child's drawing of the ace of diamonds, the ten of diamonds, the four of clubs, and the six of hearts.

You stare at it for a moment. "I thought she just drew it because she knew I like magic and playing cards. I never imagined..." You pull it off the refrigerator and bring it back to the other room to compare it to the actual cards, just to be sure. "This is just so weird..."

Later that evening as you're clearing the coffee table to get ready for dinner, you move a magazine and another drawing that was under it falls to the floor. Lisa picks it up. It's a stick figure drawing of a woman riding a man in bed, her head thrown back in ecstasy. In a child's scrawl it says, "Uncle Andy" with an arrow pointing to the man, and "Lisa" with an arrow pointing to the woman. You look at it with Lisa. "Ha, wow... that's just... I mean... I'm sure she didn't know what she was drawing... kids just.... well.... they just have the craziest imaginations... don't they?" you say, as your hand brushes some strands of hair off her forehead and behind her ear. 

If you can't parlay that into some action, you're hopeless.

Presentation Week Part 3: The Reverse Disclaimer and A Headline Prediction Presentation

Magicians and mentalists don't like headline predictions for two reasons.

Issue 1

The first thing they'll say is that predicting the future is too bold a power to claim. It's not good to claim bold powers when you want to appear "real." There it is again, the desire for people to think you're doing it for real. Knock it off. You don't want people to think it's real, you want them to feel like it's real in the moment. I don't think you understand how off-putting it is to play it "real." Let's remove you and magic from the equation. Imagine you met someone who had a real interest in vampires and he could tell you all the lore about them and the trivia and he knew about every vampire movie ever made. Depending on his personality you might think, "This guy is dull," or "He's a little nerdy, but this guy is really interesting," or "Wow, I didn't even know I gave a shit about vampires, but this guy is enthralling!" It's very easy to imagine how we might interact with that person. But how would you react to one of those people who aren't just like, "I'm interested in vampires," but instead say, "I'm a real vampire." Does that seem like someone you could connect with? Would you have anything to say other than, "Well... that's a nice ring... uhm... oh, so which of your uncle's molested you?"

You might say that magic was built on a long tradition of people claiming to be real -- that it's the foundation of this art. First, I don't know if that's really true. Second, if it is true, then perhaps we should not look at that history as an example to be followed, but rather as the shackles of the past. Maybe it's time to recast the art away from the ideals of some socially awkward misfits from centuries ago who couldn't get an ounce of pussy without claiming to have some fake powers.

So claiming to predict the future, as in a headline prediction, is a bold statement that is unlikely to be accepted by an audience. Good. That is what we want. Crazy claims, presentations, and rationales are essentially reverse disclaimers. But they actually accomplish what a disclaimer is intended to in a much better way. With a normal disclaimer you just substitute one lie for another. "I'm not reading your mind. I'm reading your body language." No you're not. But I get why you say that. It feels more honest (even though it's not), and it lets your audience know that you're not expecting them to really believe in something supernatural, and it lets you pretend that your performance is just so overwhelmingly powerful that -- unless you tell people not to -- they're going believe you're some sort of wizard.

A reverse disclaimer is more honest because it's clearly fiction. And because it's clearly fiction the audience understands they don't need to analyze it critically. The reverse disclaimer might be, "I'm not going to read your mind. I don't need to. My invisible friend from childhood, Gerald is standing behind you and I can see the word in the book you're thinking of through his eyes. I met Gerald when I was 8. He caught me doing something... well, something shameful. And he has not left me alone since. When I was little I learned how to see through his eyes. At first it was fun. But as the years passed and I got real friends, I grew disinterested. That made Gerald very angry. If too much time passed without me playing with him, I would find that I'd blacked out and he would FORCE me to see through his eyes as he did those awful... awful things. [whispered] So much blood.... Well, that's not going to happen anymore because we are playing together now. Right, Gerald? Yes, yes. He's behind you right now. He's looking over your shoulder. Practically breathing in your ear. Gerald, stop it! Look at the first word or two on the page. Okay...yes... I can see it. It's... banana... banana bread?"

Or, you know, you could write the word on a clipboard.

Issue 2

The second problem people have with headline predictions is they're worried that something tragic might be on the front page on the day of their prediction. This concern might be somewhat valid for the stage performer. But not for those of us performing casually for friends, at small gatherings, etc. In fact it was this concern that gave me a great presentation idea. Not by alleviating the concern, but by amplifying it.

I have to say that this idea is so good that it must have been thought of before. It's kind of the inverse of a Docc Hilford idea, but I haven't seen anything quite like it. But it's more than possible it's not unique to me. 

So you've mailed a prediction to your friend's home days in advance. Told them not to tamper with it, etc. You have some way of inserting or switching the prediction on the day you're going to present this. Your prediction is in the form of a drawn version of the front page of your local newspaper.

I'll walk you through some scenarios on how it might go.

Let's say there's no tragedy on the front page that day. Thankfully most of the time that will be the case. In this example, the real headline in that day's paper is: Senate immigration bill suffers crushing defeat. The prediction you load into the envelope looks like this:

Your friend unfolds the prediction and is like, "Nope. You're wrong. Oh, you got the senate thing. But this fire didn't happen."

And you bow your head a little. "No... it didn't. Thank god. Thank god they listened to me. I just wish more people would listen."

You see? You're introducing a tragedy into the prediction and then acting as if you had some part in making it not happen.

And just when your friend is thinking, "Oh, this is a joke, I see," they remember that part of the prediction they've been holding onto all week actually is dead on. The fiction and reality become swirled together. 

But what if there was a real tragedy that day? What if six people did die in a house fire? Well, then you just up the tragedy in your prediction.

If the real headline is: Six dead, two injured in house fire.

Your prediction is: 46 dead, 8 missing as house fire spreads through neighborhood

A tear falls from your eye: "I did what I could. I just wish it could have been more."

If there's a murder or deadly accident, here's how you reframe it.

If the real headline is: Town Councilman, Jerry Peterson, found dead in a hit and run

Your prediction is: Town Councilman, Jerry Peterson, opens fire at the mall killing 16

"I did what I had to do," you say, shaking your head.

But Andy, it's crass to use tragedy as part of some trick you're performing.

First, have some perspective. You're a dot on a dot. 

Second, you're not performing this for a big audience (unless you just don't give a fuck, in which case yours is a show I want to see). You're performing it casually for friends. You're going to know if Jerry Peterson is their uncle or something. If you think it's bad karmically or something, then try to find his favorite charity and donate money to it. Or just think to yourself, if you were dead, would you really have an issue with someone using your death to bring some joy or mystery to someone else's life in a way that wouldn't affect anyone who knew and loved you? If you would, you need to chill out.

Third, it's really not an issue because the vast majority of the time you will not be embellishing a tragedy, just making one up out of thin air. 

Ok, b-b-b-b-but what if something really awful happens? Like a national tragedy. Like 9/11.

If that happened I wouldn't switch the prediction at all. I'd let her open the envelope and reveal the actual prediction I wrote and sealed in the envelope which says:

Pony rescues puppy from river.

Then I would look at her and say, "Fuck. I'm terrible at this."

Tomorrow: Spectator Cuts the Aces, Kind Of